Ugh, the post editor changed. Just what this week needed… Ah well. Good morning, potential readers. Today I’m supposed to —
Ah, the book spirit. Where have you been?
Book Spirit: No…nowhere. Is that…thing…here?
That ‘thing’? There’s a lot of ‘things’ here, which do you mean?
Book Spirit: That one that looks like a jackal, but isn’t. It’s really scary…
Ah, Fang of Shadow. He’s not so bad, really.
Book Spirit: …really?
Well, from a certain point of view. Anyway, as far as I can tell he’s not here. Nearby, though.
Book Spirit: That’s not very comforting.
Eh. He’s a conceptual being, what can you do? Anyhow, if I could get back on track, I’m supposed to be summarizing Sansa Stark’s first POV chapter today.
Book Spirit: “…supposed to be…?”
Well, I really, really, don’t want to. Honestly, the whole thing is painful to read, and the precursor of tragedy after tragedy. And as I believe I mentioned, I despise tragedy.
Book Spirit: So you’re going to quit!?
…you seem a little too excited.
Book Spirit: But if you give up attacking the story, I can go home!
Huh, really? Where is ‘home’, exactly… Nah, forget I asked. No, I’m not just not interested in summarizing this chapter.
Book Spirit: But that means that your qui–
So you do it.
Book Spirit: …huh?
I’m going to go find something to eat, I’ll be back by the time you’re done.
Book Spirit: Huh!?
Have fun now. 😀
Book Spirit: …
Book Spirit: Wait wait wait! I can’t… I’m not… You can’t…
Book Spirit: Come back!
Um, how do these start now…?
Sansa 1 (15)
Um. So, Sansa Stark is a good girl who always does what she’s told. Except when it comes to her wolf. Um.
Anyway, today she’s going to be riding in the queen’s wheelhouse, and Septa Mordane sends her to tell her sister Arya to wear something nice. She finds her sister down by the river, brushing her wolf. Sansa tells her that they are riding in the wheelhouse today, but Arya says she isn’t going to, because she is going to search for rubies with a friend. They argue, because Arya can’t understand why Sansa would want to be shut up in a place without windows, and Sansa can’t understand why Arya wants to play outside. It’s really sad…
Um. So they go on for a while, and eventually Sansa gives up and walks away, feeling humiliated. Poor girl. Um, there’s a commotion going on by the wheelhouse, and Lady clears a path for Sansa to see what’s going on. Three knights had arrived as an additional escort for the king. Two were kneeling before the queen, but one was standing off to the side. The third knight frightened Sansa very much, and she backed into Sandor Clegane, who scared her further. But the queen sent over Prince Joffrey to calm her down, which worked because Sansa loves him very much. She finds out the third knight was Ser Ilyn, the King’s Justice, and that many people were scared of him. The first knight was Ser Barristan the Bold, a famous hero, and the second was the King’s brother, Renly Baratheon. Ilyn scares Sansa again, but doesn’t say anything, and she finds out that he can’t speak.
So, the queen tells Sansa that they will not be riding together today, and sends Joffrey to stay with her, which makes her very happy. He suggests they go riding, and leave the direwolf and Sandor Clegane behind. He also shows off his miniature sword, which he calls Lion’s Tooth, and Sansa exclaims over it admiringly. So the two go riding, and have a very good day. But as they approach the place where Robert Baratheon killed Rhaegar Targaryen, they heard a strange sound, and against Sansa’s will Joffrey went to investigate. A boy and a girl were playing with sticks, and fighting. Sansa realized the girl was her sister, and Joffrey drew his sword and threatened the boy, a butcher’s boy named Micah. Arya attacks Joffrey, hitting him in the back of the head with a stick, and the two begin fighting. Since Joffrey has a real sword, Arya ends up cornered, until Nymeria ambushes Joffrey and tears up his sword arm. He drops the sword, and Arya picks it up. It looks for a moment like she is going to attack Joffrey with it, but after Sansa yells at her, she throws it into the river, and runs away. Sansa rushes over to Joffrey to try to comfort him, but he rejects her.
Haaah… I made it.
The Dark Jackel: Yeah, good job.
Oh, you’re back. Was that…really ok?
The Dark Jackel: It was pretty good. In a way, it was probably more succinct than I would have managed.
The Dark Jackel: Well, it wasn’t perfect. You skipped a bunch of details which could be important later on, and I noticed a few mistakes in tense, but not bad overall.
Um… Thank you. But wait, shouldn’t you be doing this!?
The Dark Jackel: Don’t sweat the details. This was a rough chapter for me, you know. Neither Joff nor Sansa are characters I really care for. In fact, I believe the so-called prince has been deliberately designed as a hate sink.
A hate sink…?
The Dark Jackel: Yeah, it gives people a person to hate, and makes everyone else look better. Well, in this case, it makes a lot of people look worse, because only an idiot wouldn’t notice that Joffy-boy would make a terrible king, but no one is addressing the matter. I’m pretty sure that his mother is sabotaging him deliberately, though I don’t know to what end at this point.
You…are really suspicious of women, aren’t you?
The Dark Jackel: I’m not sure that’s fair, but the two grown women who seem most tied up in this narrative, that would be Catelyn and the queen, seem to thrive on conniving.
Hmph. And Dany?
The Dark Jackel: Yeah, she’s going to end up insane, just like her brother. Not her fault.
My, how magnanimous of you.
The Dark Jackel: Wow, good word. Well, this chapter didn’t end well for anyone, with Arya and Micah run away, Joffrey mauled, and Sansa rejected by “her prince.” I suppose it’s too much to hope for that she grows a spine from this encounter?
The Dark Jackel: Sounds like a no. How exasperating. Anyway, we’ve past the threshold of the Gate now, and started accelerating. Great. Does this story have any saving grace? Well, Nymeria was awesome, of course. Gotta love those direwolves.
The Dark Jackel: Mm? Sorry, didn’t catch that.
You…haven’t read the next chapter yet, have you?
The Dark Jackel: No, you know how I do things. I see that we’re back to Eddard, again. Why?
Dark One! Come play with us!
The Dark Jackel: Ah, ok. Hey, spirit, wrap this up for me, would you? I don’t have anything else to say, anyway. Later.
Hey, get back here! …Damn it, why should I have to do this? Um. Thanks…for reading? I guess?
Um, next time…look, if anyone is actually reading this, you might want to skip next time. He’s going to be very angry, I think. Just…yeah. He really likes dogs, and jackals, and stuff, so…
So…why did I have to do that?
I don’t know. You looked like you were having fun, though.
…She ran away again. How strange.