Let’s Read A Game Of Thrones! Part 22: Tyrion 3

Let the disconnected time resume. Welcome once more…

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Tyrion 3 (21)

Tyrion is at dinner with Lord Commander Mormont and a number of his men, having informed them that he plans to return south. He spends some time joking with the men, although Ser Alliser Thorne gets angry at the dwarf’s mocking tone and leaves. The other men are more relaxed, even when Tyrion pokes fun in their direction. Later that evening, Tyrion is alone with Mormont, sharing a mulled drink by the fire. Mormont insists that he have an escort as far as Winterfell, and Tyrion thanks him while internally wondering what Mormont wants in return.

Mormont points out that Tyrion’s sister is the queen, that his brother is acclaimed a hero, and that his father was the most powerful lord in the south. He wants Tyrion to tell the King, and others, of the pressing need for good men in the Night’s Watch. Mormont has felt the approach of Winter, and seen the signs of a great disturbance in the North. He warns Tyrion that when Winter arrives, the Watch is in no position to hold back the horrors that could arrive. Tyrion gravely agrees to pass the message along; he fails to mention that King Robert will ignore him, his father will treat him as though he were crazed, and his brother would simply laugh the warning off.

Leaving the Commander’s Keep, Tyrion heads back for his quarters. On the way, he suddenly decides to have another look off the top of the Wall. Rather than take the wooden stairway (which would murder his already painful legs) he rides in a hand-drawn elevator up the side of the Wall. Randomly setting off to the west, he comes across Jon Snow and Ghost on guard duty. Jon ruefully tells Tyrion that Ser Alliser has arranged for him to draw an unusual number of night watches, and the two walk together along the wall.

Tyrion offers to take a message back to Winterfell for Jon, although he declines to repeat the insulting message Jon suggests for Robb, citing a desire to not be killed. Jon asks Tyrion to try to explain to Rickon that he wouldn’t be coming back, and asks that support Bran in any way he can. Tyrion tries to demure, but Jon insists, and the dwarf eventually agrees to speak to the crippled boy. Jon is satisfied, and names Tyrion a friend; Tyrion is oddly moved by the gesture. Together, they stare out over the north. Jon swears that if his uncle doesn’t return, he and Ghost would go out searching for him. Tyrion believes him, but feels dark misgivings.

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Hello again, possible readers! I am the Dark Jackel, not to be confused with a dark jackal, and this is Let’s Read A Game of Thrones, my own personal punishment game! Allow me to introduce to you my friend and minion-for-hire, Fang of Shadow.

Good evening.

Also romping around today, but unlikely to have much impact on the proceedings, are some friendly jackal puppies.

Yay!

And last but not least…

????: No.

You have to come out eventually, you know.

????: No I don’t.

Fang of Shadow: Is that the spirit of the book? Why is she hiding?

Do you remember how she went looking for a cute new avatar?

Fang of Shadow: I remember we were going to go out and look for her, but you contacted me and said she returned. I haven’t seen her since then.

Well, you were busy with your own work. Anyway, in her journey, she acquired a new form!

????: <sob> This is the worst…

Nonsense, you’re a hundred times cuter now. Come on out.

????: ……

Fine. I hope your happy.

…it’s a spider.

Wow, a spider!

This is so humiliating…

Honestly, you fit in a lot better around here like that. Animism isn’t a bad thing, you know. I know, I’ll call you Spydra from now on.

I hate you. Don’t call me that.

Heh. Well, enough with reintroductions, let’s talk about Tyrion. I’m gonna go ahead and say it: he is currently the only person in this entire damn book that I enjoy reading about.

Book Spirit Spydra: Hah! So you do like something about the book.

Hey, there’s a reason they call it comic relief. It’s a relief to read about someone who isn’t a complete moron, for one thing. Also, he notices things, like how Ser Alliser is worthless in his position. Apparently Jon is getting into the ‘instructing others’ groove himself, though, so there’s that. Hey, maybe they’ll last an extra five minutes against the Cthulu Ice Elves.

Fang of Shadow: You really enjoy that metaphor, don’t you, Lord?

Oh yes. I feel a deep, personal connection to Cthulu, you know.

Spydra: Now you’re just trying to upset us.

Yup. Where was I?

Spydra: Praising Tyrion, I think.

I don’t know about about praise, exactly, but I will note that this is the second time someone has suddenly seen Tyrion as much more physically imposing than he actually is. The first time, Jon saw his shadow to be as big as a ‘king’; this time, the blind(?) maester saw him as ‘a giant’. That’s some pretty heavy-handed metaphor right there. Kind of reminds me of that one time when a direwolf got killed with stag’s horn in its throat. Subtle, R.R., subtle.

Oh, yes, and Tyrion’s been asked to help Bran, by his “friend” Jon. Oh, and there is (questionable) evidence that Tyrion was behind the attempt to assassinate Bran in the first place (or the second place, if random defenestration counts as an assassination attempt). Can’t wait to see how that plays out. Oh well, whatever.

Let’s move on to world details, since I like world analysis better than the plot. We got some data on the seasons in Westeros: they are random. Which makes little sense, mathematically speaking, as even a wobbly orbit should be subject to prediction. That could be my modern sensibilities betraying me, however; I haven’t yet noticed a strong attention to science in the story. I guess my next question would be, is it just this continenant that suffers from unusual seasons, while the rest of the world cycles like Earth would? Or is it a global situation? In my mind, these questions are a lot more interesting than the nonsense happening in King’s Landing.

Spydra: Aha! So you admit the book has interesting things in it!

Well, OK, I’ll admit to that. But generally speaking, if the number of interesting things does not include the plot, it represents something of a failure anyway, don’t you think?

Spydra: Grrrr…

Come now, spiders don’t growl.

I’m not a spider!!

Heh heh. On one final note, I would like to note that I still find the Wall extremely bizzarre. That is all.

Fang of Shadow: According to the character Mormont, humans had been building it up during “summer” years for a long time.

I don’t care what he said. There is something hinky about the scale of that wall, and I’m not gonna believe humans made it until I can see how.

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Well, that’s enough LRAGOT for one week. On Sunday I will once again speak of one of the series I would rather read than this nonsense –

Spydra: Jerk.

Hush, Spydra.

Spydra: Wait, are you seriously calling me that!?

…oh yes, one other thing.

Spydra: Don’t ignore me!

On Friday I’ll be starting something new. Frankly, I’m not really ready for this, but…I will be posting chapters of a new web novel, which I have titled A Living Will, at least until I come up with something better. There will be dead people, so come check it out.

Spydra: That’s an odd sort of lure…

Yeah, well, I’m more or less making it up as I go along. Therefore, I’m not going to promise that it will be updated every Friday, but I’ll try to post at least one chapter a month. We’ll see.

Can I be in it?

Um. I’ll see if I can swing a cameo somewhere, but I can’t promise anything this time.

Fang of Shadow: Hmph. What about the other project?

You mean Project Discard? Yeah, there’s a lot more room for you there, I’ll get you a place.

Fang of Shadow: Wonderful. Please start working on it, then.

Yeah, let me try to clear A Living Will out of my system first. Anyway, see you later, readers!

Um, bye.

Farewell for now.

Bye-bye! Let’s play again sometime!