Psst, I uploaded a video…

Really quick: I uploaded the first episode of my new video series, playing the game “Don’t Starve.” Technically, it’s “Don’t Starve Together”; unfortunately, due to my internet situation, I have to try not to starve on my own. 😛

Link: https://youtu.be/rUShZUr3z1s

It may seem a bit long, but please enjoy? ^^;

Also, be aware that I’m planning to be releasing another series on alternating weeks, so if DonStaTog isn’t to your taste, there will be a “classic” series as well. I hope. 😛

I’m… not sure when I’ll next get the chance to record, though… blasted school summer vacations… :\

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Sunday Update: No text, but some cakes.

As title. I really, really wanted to sit down and write this week — I even had some time set aside for it. But… nothing came to me. I literally blanked out completely… edited the very, very small amount of Anubai 31 I have written already, and ended up with less words than before… I might have to scrap the chapter entirely, and start again. 😦

On the other hand, my wife has made more cakes, and actually sold them for actual money! (At a ridiculous discount, but still…) She’s been agitating for them to be added to the page, and I finally got around to it, so, yeah. Cake. 😉

So yeah, she’d like to know what my readers think, so although I’ve added them to her cake portfolio, let me post them here, as well:

So… what do you think? 😉

Oh, I’ve got a new video to add to my YouTube channel, just as soon as I can get somewhere to upload it. So, look forward to that? The game this time will be: Don’t Starve Together. Only it won’t be together, since I have limited internet. Boo… but I like the game. So, yay. I’ll post a notice when I finally upload it. 😀

Have a good week, everyone! 🙂

Sunday Update: Nope, no progress.

Ehhhhhhhh…. sorry. I’ve got nothing.

On the gaming front, I got frustrated with Dark Souls, cleared all the open world areas in AC: Origins, started cleaning up the sidequests, then got bored and drifted back to Dark Souls again. Frankly, nothing even worth recording. I have a certain plan, however… 😛

Anyway. My family is well. My wife has taken on way too many cake projects for other people. She’s getting paid, but still… she does too much sometimes. My daughter has an additional summer school class starting tomorrow, so that ought to be… interesting. ^^; And my son has started in a local summer golf program, and his next lesson is on Thursday. I don’t play golf, but my dad does, and it’s nice for grandfather and grandson to have some bonding time.

I’ve written less than a page, mostly yesterday. Got to push myself, especially on Anubai. I want to finish before my inspiration completely disappears… assuming it hasn’t already. :\

Ok, I’m going to try to write a couple more words today. Have a good week, everyone. 🙂

PROJECT

Sunday Update: Progress?

Hey, at least I wrote something this week, right? It wasn’t anything but a review of a game from a few years ago, but it’s still pseudo-relevant, right? Right? 😛

I still have open tabs for Anubai 31 and The Paladin of Pain (working title), but not much progress is being made. Still. I’ll get there. :\

(I think I can, I think I can…) ^^;

Other than that… nothing? I don’t have anything? What have I been doing all week? Hmm…

Read some books (that I have read before), watched some videos (mostly from Outside XBox and Eurogamer), took care of my kids (played some Overcooked with my son, which was fun). Slept.

…Strictly speaking, it was a good, comfortable week. I just don’t have much to show for it, I guess. 😐

Well, whatever. Onward and upward! I think I have a candidate for new game play videos of an old game… and the best part is, since the game itself is humorous, I don’t have to be! 😉

Anyway, have a good week, everyone. Keep in touch. 😀

Horizon Zero Dawn™_20171129232939
And never forget to take the time to relax. 😉

This Week’s Game: Metro 2033

Wow, it’s been a long time since I did one of these, eh? So, the backstory here is, I was looking for a FPS to play as a sort of palate cleanser from playing too much Dark Souls. See, I had some bad experiences in the Painted World of Aramis (freaking Wheel Skeletons) and I felt sad after defeating Priscilla the Crossbreed, who honestly doesn’t deserve it.

DARK SOULS™: REMASTERED_20180627170159
Frankly, I feel ashamed. 😦

So yeah, I thought about playing Wolfenstein or Bioshock, but I had recently seen an interesting video featuring the Metro games, and I thought it sounded worth investigating. So I picked up Metro Redux, which includes both 2033 and Last Light, and started playing. And you know what? I really enjoy it. 🙂 Continue reading

Sunday Update: Nothing. I’ve got nothing.

I’ve got two tabs open with different chapters that I am supposedly writing. One is Anubai 31, the other… isn’t. Neither are getting done with anything resembling speed. I haven’t recorded any videos either, so I have literally nothing to show for this week. But, I’m not severely depressed anymore, so I’ll call it a win nevertheless.

(On the other hand, my wife had a rough week at work. Today was her day off, so we went to a Japanese restaurant without the kids so she could vent to me for a while. She said she was feeling better after that, but I’m still worried about all the stress she takes on herself… 😦 )

So what have I been doing? Well, other than taking care of my kids (which is, y’know, more or less my job 😛 ) I’ve been playing Assassin’s Creed: Origins. I don’t know if I want to do a full review, but in short: I’m playing it exactly like I played AC: Syndicate (that is to say, I am ignoring the plot missions) and I’m enjoying it more. It still lacks something when compared to Dark Souls, however, which I am also playing the hell out of.

As for Dark Souls, I think I said this before, but if you haven’t played the game before, the remaster is a good purchase and worth the current price; if you aren’t sure if you will enjoy the game (and you might not, let’s be fair) wait for the price to drop before you pick it up; and if you already have a copy of the previous version, the minor graphical changes aren’t that amazing, and so the only reason you’d want it would be if you want to play with the improved framerate.

So if you want to blame my playing video games for not finishing any chapters, well, I guess you could. But I assure you, even if I wasn’t playing games, I still wouldn’t have done any writing. …Actually, forget it. I’ll get a chapter done soon. Maybe even this week. We’ll see. 😛

…I guess I have nothing further to say. And my eyes are shutting… think I’ll take a nap…

…zzz…

Sunday Update: I feel somewhat better.

Well, let’s see, Sunday was yesterday, wasn’t it… well, let’s just call this the Sunday update anyway. So yeah, I feel much better than I did a week ago. I’d like to thank everyone who offered me words of support. It really does help, you know. 🙂

On the other hand, I haven’t written more than about five words since then, and those five words haven’t even been for Anubai. So I can’t tell you yet when chapters will resume. Soon. Very soon. ^^;

Oh, and I uploaded three episodes of my Evil Within play through yesterday. So, that’s a grand total of seven episodes, covering the first three chapters of the game. Plus, I added a little Bloodborne character creation at the end of episode 4, and a little game play at the end of episode 7. So there’s that to look forward to, if you do chose to watch it.

I’d appreciate feedback, actually. I was experimenting with what sort of videos I could produce using only the free software from Sony, and the equipment I already had. The biggest problem I find is that I can’t seem to record commentary from a second microphone, meaning I’d need to buy a different mic if I wanted to record commentary with a second person. That, on top of my difficulties with internet, make it difficult for me to make videos with other people’s perspective, which I believe would be more interesting than mine alone. But I digress.

Anyway, no new videos for the immediate future, unless I find something else I want to test (like recording commentary on a different device, then adding it later? not sure.) I’ll get back to writing soon, as I said, but no ETA as of now.

On the plus side, my daughter has been happy and talkative at her school, and my son is being more or less helpful at home. So my actual life is running fairly well… although my wife is currently getting stressed with her work. Such is the reality of being a dialysis tech, I suppose. :\

Anyway, hope everyone is well, and I’ll check in again with y’all soon. Have a good week! 😀

…I might be going dark for a while.

…Hey. I don’t know how much of this I should be saying, but my suicidal depression has kinda kicked in again. I’m currently sitting in bed, feeling sick to my stomach, trying not to hate myself. Kinda par for the course. Depression sucks.

I don’t intend to kill myself, incidentally. If nothing else, it would really upset my wife, and I absolutely don’t want to leave her in the lurch, since she is the one who is absolutely the most supportive of me. And I don’t want to hurt my kids like that. But that doesn’t really help me feel any better. Y’know?

How do I put this? If I try to be objective about it, I have expectations for myself, which are a reflection of what I believe other people expect of me; I cannot currently meet those expectations, which is painful, and I can’t see myself being able to meet those expectations in the future. And so, when people I nominally respect take actions or say things that highlight how I am letting them, and myself, down, it weighs on me quite a bit. I didn’t realize, but that kind of stuff was building up inside of me, and tonight I finally realized that I was in a really bad place.

I’m not really talking about missing a chapter deadline, although that doesn’t help, but the other circumstances of my life.

On good days, I can focus on the things I can do, such as taking care of my kids, and supporting my wife… but positivity is difficult to maintain sometimes.

I am taking an antidepressant right now, and I think it’s helpful, or at least stabilizing, but it’s not like there’s a heads up display to tell me if it really is. I used to get counselling as well, but… I had to cancel a couple appointments, and the counselor never contacted me back, so I just stopped going. I was going to get evaluated at a different place, but I had the wrong date, and the place never sent me a reminder, but still charged me a fifty dollar missed appointment fee, which kinda destroyed any faith I might have in them.

I bring it up because I really should be talking to someone, but I really don’t trust counselors anymore… Catch-22, right? So I’m just dumping my feelings on you guys. Sorry about that.

Anyway, I’m going to take some time to work through this, so I won’t be holding myself to any sort of production schedule or deadlines until I’m in better shape. The bad news is I won’t be getting Anubai finished any time soon. Sorry, my mental health has to take priority. I don’t want to self-destruct any more than I have to.

…You know what pisses me off the most? Some people can channel negative feelings into their writing (my wife, for example, writes free-form poetry when she’s upset) but it just absolutely chokes my ability to express anything. It took me nearly an hour to write this post. I can’t be a suffering artist, because suffering absolutely destroys my ability to create my art. Man, I’m just completely useless… :\

…Ok, enough venting. I do have the last three episodes of my Let’s Play of the Evil Within edited and ready to post, so I’ll try to upload those within the next few days. No one has watched them so far, but I’m going to keep telling myself that I was only doing them for the experience and write it off. Anyway.

Other than that… yeah, I don’t know when I’ll be back. I’ll keep checking in, probably on Sundays, just to prove I’m still around. But yeah. Hang in there, me. You’ve got a story or two to finish, right? :\

Grr… No chapter this week.

Sorry about the late notice. But I’ve had a lot of trouble making myself sit down to write this week, and the few times I have, I didn’t make the kind of progress I expected too. A  combination of bad work ethic and unreasonable standards, I guess…

So yeah. No Anubai today. I’ll post the next chapter as soon as I feel satisfied with it. This really is a pivotal moment in the book, and I don’t think I could half-ass it even if I wanted too… Sigh.

I have spent a good chunk of time over the last two weeks playing both Bloodborne and Dark Souls Remastered. In case you were wondering, DSR doesn’t change anything from the original except slightly polishing up the graphics and, much more importantly, fixing a whole lot of frame rate issues. So if you’ve already played Dark Souls to death, don’t bother picking up the remaster; on the other hand, if you haven’t played Dark Souls before, I heartily recommend you give it a try. $40 is a bit expensive for a simple remaster, but new players will still get their money’s worth.

I’m currently playing a high-dex archer build, which is one I can recommend to beginners, incidentally. Being able to do high damage at range is a huge advantage in Dark Souls. Also, if you have the patience to farm souls and titanite shards in the Undead Parish, it will give you a pretty big advantage in the early stages. Naturally, the advantages gained by spending extra time in early areas tapers off as you continue the game; but leave rushing through early sections until you are very familiar with your chosen play style, be it swords, bows, or turtle-ing up with a good shield and a spear. Dark Souls isn’t about leveling up your stats, it’s about leveling up your player skills. 😉

Just for fun, I watched someone speedrun the game in about half an hour. Kinda fun to watch, but I, personally, wouldn’t enjoy playing that way. To each their own. ^^;

Anyway. I apologize again for not finishing the chapter this week. And now my son is on summer vacation, so I have to find things for him to do as well. Oh well. I’ll get it done sometime. :\

Have a good week, everyone. I’ll be back on Sunday with… something. Maybe the last three episodes of my short Evil Within Let’s Play. Maybe not. I don’t know. 😦

Sunday Update: Thirty chapters down!

…and an unknown number left to go! Less than thirty, we are coming to the end of this book, finally. I have some thoughts for a second book, but… well, I’ll need to think about that. For one thing, Gan Zhu would almost be a side character for Book 2, rather than the supposed MC… Eh, never mind. ^^;

So, no new videos on The Evil Within this week, since I literally haven’t touched the project since Dark Souls Remastered came out. I’ll try to finish up sometime this week, and get the videos up. I’m not going to finish TEW, it just doesn’t grab my interest… but from the point of view of getting experience making videos it worked just fine, so I’ll chalk it up as a qualified win and move onto something that I do want to do.

Now, let’s talk about the Faded Ash clan.

When I created the characters of Black Robe and White Robe, I knew a lot about the role they served in the story. I knew that they had been assigned to serve Fan Bin at the behest of their true master; I knew that their ultimate goal was the destruction of North Pine City; and I knew that Fan Bin was cooperating completely willingly. Continue reading