I was tempted to pretend like this was a “Hello World” post like I had reset the site, but fortunately the impulse passed.

Hey there. Sorry about the deafening silence from me lately. I know that there are at least two people interested in seeing my stories continue, and I apologize. I admit, I haven’t even touched a keyboard to write since I stood up from my last post, until I sat down to write this one.

If you want a reason… basically, I succumbed to my rather chronic depression. The combination of the stress from the move, the daily battle of living with an autistic child (which I will talk about at length, on another occasion) and… various other moments, which I don’t feel like explicating, had left me in a very dark place.

Fortunately, my wife is wonderful, and once she realized how bad I had gotten, she forced me to start go see a doctor. You might ask me, “Hey, if you knew you were having problems, why didn’t you go see someone yourself? Why did your long-suffering wife have to force you to?”

Well, that’s the thing. When your depressed, you don’t want to get better. You don’t want to improve, or feel healthy again — you just want everything to go away and leave you alone. Possibly permanently. At least, that is my experience, and I’ve read accounts from others who have had the same experience with depression. So there you go.

So I went in to the doctor, and after consulting with him, we decided that I would go on medication for a while. I’m… not a big fan of medication, but he assured me that we could see if it was effective for a month, and that I wouldn’t need to be on it for longer than a year.

Plus, I was in counselling before, and I couldn’t say whether or not it was helping me. So there’s that.

So yeah, I’m on some anti-depressant for a while. (Don’t ask me the name, I don’t remember, and I don’t feel like checking the bottle. 😛 ) It’s fairly mild, as I understand it, and I haven’t seen any of the described possible side effects, so that’s good. Mind you, I haven’t noticed my mood particularly improving either, so meh.

So yeah. I’ve just been trying to recover my motivation for all things, not just writing. Frankly, I dropped a large number of web novels I had been reading, just because I wasn’t interested in reading them anymore. And that’s too bad, because some of them were actually pretty good. Like “The Death Mage Who Doesn’t Want a Fourth Time.” Wonder how that one’s been getting on. Oh well.

So yeah. No new chapters until I get my head on straight. We’ll see how that goes. In the meantime, I’ll try to post something every once in a while, about what I have been doing. Hopefully, they’ll be less of a downer than this particular post. Sorry ’bout that.

I’ve been playing the remastered version of Darksiders on my PS4 the past week or so. Maybe I’ll do a quick review of that.

Thanks for listening, and take care, everyone. 🙂

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A silent wind blows…

There was a vast plain, a savanna of scrub and dust — but the scrub was galaxies, and the dust, nebulae.

In the center of this black, yet elegant plain, a single black-backed jackal slept peacefully. Yet, after a moment, the jackal opened its eyes, revealing the glow of dying stars in their depths.

The jackal yawned widely, and spoke into the beautiful emptiness.

“I am given to understand that you are searching for the creator of this place. You may wonder why he seems to have gone silent.

“Well. It is unfortunate, but the creator has fallen into a depressive state once more.”

The jackal tilted his head in a canine shrug. “Creators are like that, sadly. His actual words were ‘I’m going on a journey, don’t look for me,’ but even I recognize that as a cliché.

“So, those who wonder what will happen to the divergent soul named Gan Zhu, will have to wait a while longer. I will tell you this: that story is nowhere near its end, and it will continue until an end is reached. My word on it.

“There have also been signs of life, if you’ll excuse the expression, from the story of my friend Jurisanti’s favorite servant, the being currently known as ‘Zedda’. Those who seek A Living Will, might just have something to look forward to in the future.

“But, that is for the future. For now, we wait for the creator to climb back out of the darkness he has retreated into. It is not my place to ask patience of you… nevertheless, please be patient.”

The jackal yawned, then laid his head down to sleep once again. A final murmur resounded the starry plain.

“I, too, will soon return…”

No further previews…

OK, I found the piece I had been looking for. The bad news? There was less of it than I remember.

Much, much less. 😦

Man, I remember doing so much work on the background of this story — I still have the hand-written notes to prove it, too — but I didn’t wrote more than a couple of paragraphs. I could have sworn I wrote more than this… I didn’t even get to the part where the little girl meets the giant, armored demon overlord… :\

Ahem. Oh, well. Maybe there’s a longer version hiding on one of my drives, somewhere. I’ll keep an eye out for it, but for now, consider it a lost work. Sigh… Guess I’ll see everyone on Sunday. Have a good night.

OK, let me give you something, at least. 😛

So, you know how sometimes you get little quotes at the beginning of chapters? Here’s the one I wrote for the first chapter:

“The Night Guards, who serve the Overlord of Night, in the city of Night, capital of the country of Night: a true triumph of theme over originality.” -Sergeant Elliot Blackspear of the Night Guards

Incidentally, Elliot Blackspear is a character who begins the story already dead, although unusually for me, he is nevertheless not the main character. 😉

Preview: Waking in the deep

A lot of stories I write are inspired by imagery from various videogames. This one owes its existence to Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter. Ever play it? 😉


It was the hunger that woke him. He didn’t want to wake; he remembered a nightmare, vaguely, but he felt he had been sleeping for quite some time, and it seemed a shame to wake now. But the hunger was deep, and insistent. He’d have to do something about that. Perhaps she would have dinner ready…

His thoughts stopped, and it took him a moment to realize why. Dimly, through the hunger, he began to understand that something was very wrong. He thought of her, and realized that he could not remember her face. He remembered a smile, and a laugh; sunlight on hair, and wind; but appearance, identity, name…? Nothing. Who was she? Who was she, to him?

Who…was he? Continue reading

Preview: Discard and Draw

Yeah, ok, on my previously mentioned scale of 1 to 10 of things I want to keep writing, this ranks at 11. It’s more epic in scope than my other works (at least in theory) but I really love the few character’s I’ve created for it so far. Especially Joe, for some reason, although his personality doesn’t fully come through in this prologue. Oh, and it’s also… well, just read it. 😉


The god found him, drifting in the absolute darkness between worlds. He had lost all sense of time, all sense of self; he didn’t even realize his own consciousness. But the god spoke to him, and he responded.

<Ah, so this is where you ended up.>

“Where… am… I…”

<Mm. The wrong question. There is no “where” here — this is a gap.> Continue reading

Preview: Dead Life Phantasmagoria

This is the first chapter (supposedly) of a slightly more psychedelic story I conceived of at one time. Ideally, it would be both creepy and amusing, although I don’t know if I have the talent to pull that off. On the scale of 1 to 10 of “things I intend to return to,” it’s probably about a 3. However, I absolutely loved writing the dialogue below, so it would be a pity for it to go to waste, I guess? 😛


I died.

 

I died, right?

Continue reading

Preview: Sharpening the Fang

So yeah, this is something I’m definitely going to actually write someday. Despite the name of the male MC, it’s a much more traditional western fantasy than the world of Anubai Hero or Living Will. Well, I call him the MC, but the action is going to follow the elf and her party much of the time… you know what? Just read it. 😛


Chapter 0

Awaken to a New World

He awakens to the sound of birds. A cool wind caresses his face, and he can hear it rustling the leaves of the trees around him. He feels sunlight dappling his skin, and soft ground beneath him. Somewhere nearby, water is flowing over rocks, completing the peaceful and idyllic scene. He takes all this in, without opening his eyes, and forms his first coherent thought: How odd. Continue reading

In lieu of a chapter: How about a bad dream?

Hey there. As expected, the chapter for this week, isn’t. So, you’ll just have to hang on that cliff for a while. 😛

Since I don’t have anything else, though, I thought I’d dig into some of my unfinished work and pick out something to share. This, for instance, was meant as a prologue for a fantasy novel with multiple points of view. However, I stalled on the very first chapter. :\

But, even in the absence of the story that is supposed to go with it, maybe you’ll still find it somewhat interesting. I hope so, anyway.

Just think of it… as a bad dream…


The world was wrapped in flames. They raged from horizon to horizon, under a sky roiling with smoky clouds, lit a terrible red from the flames below. It was a view of a world consumed by calamity, bereft of hope. The flames had consumed everything, but they remained even in the absence of fuel and life, burning eternally. Continue reading

Wind on the Lowest Plane, Part 4

In case you missed them: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3. There will be one last part. (I think.)


“A-alright. I’m sorry,” apologized the woman. “Um. I am… or I was an important person back on my original world–”

“A queen, or nearly so. And an oracle, of sorts,” interrupted the shadow. “Though I wonder… just where did your prophecy originate? Was it truly a likely possibility, or was it simply manipulation by an outside power?”

“That’s…” The woman hesitated, flustered.

“Never mind, never mind,” said the shadow soothingly. “It certainly doesn’t make a difference. It’s merely that prophecy more often than not, leads straight to Tragedy — and here you are. Interesting, isn’t it?” Continue reading