Sunday Update: I feel somewhat better.

Well, let’s see, Sunday was yesterday, wasn’t it… well, let’s just call this the Sunday update anyway. So yeah, I feel much better than I did a week ago. I’d like to thank everyone who offered me words of support. It really does help, you know. ๐Ÿ™‚

On the other hand, I haven’t written more than about five words since then, and those five words haven’t even been for Anubai. So I can’t tell you yet when chapters will resume. Soon. Very soon. ^^;

Oh, and I uploaded three episodes of my Evil Within play through yesterday. So, that’s a grand total of seven episodes, covering the first three chapters of the game. Plus, I added a little Bloodborne character creation at the end of episode 4, and a little game play at the end of episode 7. So there’s that to look forward to, if you do chose to watch it.

I’d appreciate feedback, actually. I was experimenting with what sort of videos I could produce using only the free software from Sony, and the equipment I already had. The biggest problem I find is that I can’t seem to record commentary from a second microphone, meaning I’d need to buy a different mic if I wanted to record commentary with a second person. That, on top of my difficulties with internet, make it difficult for me to make videos with other people’s perspective, which I believe would be more interesting than mine alone. But I digress.

Anyway, no new videos for the immediate future, unless I find something else I want to test (like recording commentary on a different device, then adding it later? not sure.) I’ll get back to writing soon, as I said, but no ETA as of now.

On the plus side, my daughter has been happy and talkative at her school, and my son is being more or less helpful at home. So my actual life is running fairly well… although my wife is currently getting stressed with her work. Such is the reality of being a dialysis tech, I suppose. :\

Anyway, hope everyone is well, and I’ll check in again with y’all soon. Have a good week! ๐Ÿ˜€

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…I might be going dark for a while.

…Hey. I don’t know how much of this I should be saying, but my suicidal depression has kinda kicked in again. I’m currently sitting in bed, feeling sick to my stomach, trying not to hate myself. Kinda par for the course. Depression sucks.

I don’t intend to kill myself, incidentally. If nothing else, it would really upset my wife, and I absolutely don’t want to leave her in the lurch, since she is the one who is absolutely the most supportive of me. And I don’t want to hurt my kids like that. But that doesn’t really help me feel any better. Y’know?

How do I put this? If I try to be objective about it, I have expectations for myself, which are a reflection of what I believe other people expect of me; I cannot currently meet those expectations, which is painful, and I can’t see myself being able to meet those expectations in the future. And so, when people I nominally respect take actions or say things that highlight how I am letting them, and myself, down, it weighs on me quite a bit. I didn’t realize, but that kind of stuff was building up inside of me, and tonight I finally realized that I was in a really bad place.

I’m not really talking about missing a chapter deadline, although that doesn’t help, but the other circumstances of my life.

On good days, I can focus on the thingsย Iย can do, such as taking care of my kids, and supporting my wife… but positivity is difficult to maintain sometimes.

I am taking an antidepressant right now, and Iย think it’s helpful, or at least stabilizing, but it’s not like there’s a heads up display to tell me if it really is. I used to get counselling as well, but… I had to cancel a couple appointments, and the counselor never contacted me back, so I just stopped going. I was going to get evaluated at a different place, but I had the wrong date, and the place never sent me a reminder, butย still charged me a fifty dollar missed appointment fee, which kinda destroyed any faith I might have in them.

I bring it up because I really should be talking to someone, but I really don’t trust counselors anymore… Catch-22, right? So I’m just dumping my feelings on you guys. Sorry about that.

Anyway, I’m going to take some time to work through this, so I won’t be holding myself to any sort of production schedule or deadlines until I’m in better shape. The bad news is I won’t be getting Anubai finished any time soon. Sorry, my mental health has to take priority. I don’t want to self-destruct any more than I have to.

…You know what pisses me off the most? Some people can channel negative feelings into their writing (my wife, for example, writes free-form poetry when she’s upset) but it just absolutely chokes my ability to express anything. It took me nearly an hour to write this post. I can’t be a suffering artist, because suffering absolutely destroys my ability to create my art. Man, I’m just completely useless… :\

…Ok, enough venting. I do have the last three episodes of my Let’s Play of the Evil Within edited and ready to post, so I’ll try to upload those within the next few days. No one has watched them so far, but I’m going to keep telling myself that I was only doing them for the experience and write it off. Anyway.

Other than that… yeah, I don’t know when I’ll be back. I’ll keep checking in, probably on Sundays, just to prove I’m still around. But yeah. Hang in there, me. You’ve got a story or two to finish, right? :\

Grr… No chapter this week.

Sorry about the late notice. But I’ve had a lot of trouble making myself sit down to write this week, and the few times I have, I didn’t make the kind of progress I expected too. Aย  combination of bad work ethic and unreasonable standards, I guess…

So yeah. No Anubai today. I’ll post the next chapter as soon as I feel satisfied with it. This really is a pivotal moment in the book, and I don’t think I could half-ass it even if I wanted too… Sigh.

I have spent a good chunk of time over the last two weeks playing both Bloodborne and Dark Souls Remastered. In case you were wondering, DSR doesn’t change anything from the original except slightly polishing up the graphics and, much more importantly, fixing a whole lot of frame rate issues. So if you’ve already played Dark Souls to death, don’t bother picking up the remaster; on the other hand, if you haven’t played Dark Souls before, I heartily recommend you give it a try. $40 is aย bit expensive for a simple remaster, but new players will still get their money’s worth.

I’m currently playing a high-dex archer build, which is one I can recommend to beginners, incidentally. Being able to do high damage at range is aย huge advantage in Dark Souls. Also, if you have the patience to farm souls and titanite shards in the Undead Parish, it will give you a pretty big advantage in the early stages. Naturally, the advantages gained by spending extra time in early areas tapers off as you continue the game; but leave rushing through early sections until you are very familiar with your chosen play style, be it swords, bows, or turtle-ing up with a good shield and a spear. Dark Souls isn’t about leveling up your stats, it’s about leveling up your player skills. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Just for fun, I watched someone speedrun the game in about half an hour. Kinda fun to watch, but I, personally, wouldn’t enjoy playing that way. To each their own. ^^;

Anyway. I apologize again for not finishing the chapter this week. And now my son is on summer vacation, so I have to find things for him to do as well. Oh well. I’ll get it done sometime. :\

Have a good week, everyone. I’ll be back on Sunday with… something. Maybe the last three episodes of my short Evil Within Let’s Play. Maybe not. I don’t know. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

Sunday Update: Thirty chapters down!

…and an unknown number left to go! Less than thirty, we are coming to the end of this book,ย finally. I have some thoughts for a second book, but… well, I’ll need to think about that. For one thing, Gan Zhu would almost be a side character for Book 2, rather than the supposed MC… Eh, never mind. ^^;

So, no new videos on The Evil Within this week, since I literally haven’t touched the project since Dark Souls Remastered came out. I’ll try to finish up sometime this week, and get the videos up. I’m not going to finish TEW, it just doesn’t grab my interest… but from the point of view of getting experience making videos it worked just fine, so I’ll chalk it up as a qualified win and move onto something that Iย do want to do.

Now, let’s talk about the Faded Ash clan.

When I created the characters of Black Robe and White Robe, I knew a lot about the role they served in the story. I knew that they had been assigned to serve Fan Bin at the behest of their true master; I knew that their ultimate goal was the destruction of North Pine City; and I knew that Fan Bin was cooperating completely willingly. Continue reading

The Anubai Hero, Chapter 30

Chapter 30

There are no coincidences in the three realms. Everything has a history, and a purpose.

What is a city? A place where humans gather. They work, cultivate, and die, in an unending cycle, and thus the city lives.

But the places where humans gather are not random. There will always be a reason why one location gathers humans together. On the Balkiri Continent, this location will almost always be atop a leyline nexus, where the spiritual energy is at its strongest, and cultivation at its easiest.

But the location of nexi are not coincidental, either. There are laws and principles that govern the paths of the leylines as well. Those of a certain strength, with sufficient background, can trace the leylines; those stronger, can measure them.

Those whose strength had exceeded the limits of mortality could, perhaps, direct them. Continue reading

Sunday Update but can’t stay, need to Dark Souls

I exaggerate. But only just. Playing the original again makes me happy. I decided to start with the thief class this time, and I’ve been rocking most the original equipment all the way into the Depths. I switched the Bandit Knife for a standard Dagger right at the beginning, though — I like having the option to thrust. (No Freudian subtext here, nope.) ๐Ÿ˜‰

Anyway, got the stuff done this week that I was supposed to, one chapter of Anubai on Friday, two episodes of The Evil Within earlier today. I will say, no one seems too interested in TEW, so I’ll probably hang it up after the next chapter (3 episodes). Oh well, it was just for experience anyway. ๐Ÿ˜›

As for Anubai, I’ve spun out the talking as long as I could, time to see if I can write major battle set pieces. I have my doubts… :\

(Yeah, that’s a lie. I didn’t spin out the talking as long as I could, I rushed across the top as fast as possible. ๐Ÿ˜› )

But, we have at last arrived at the climactic battle of North Pine City, in which I will be attempting to tie all the various threads back together. I have my plans, but that’s turned out so well in the past… ^^;

Well, anyway. I’ll see you on Friday for the next Anubai chapter, if I can tear myself away from Dark Souls long enough to write. Now, if you will excuse me, I have a butterfly to hunt. Peace, y’all. ๐Ÿ˜‰

The Anubai Hero, Chapter 29

Chapter 29

At the time Chief Grandmaster Mura Dyn had seized control of the Green Wildness Sect, the sect had very much been on the back foot. Wracked by internal divisions and successive civil wars, the sect had become a juicy target for the other powers that surrounded it — including the Kharis branch of the Red Reaver Sect. And while the Green Wildness Sect had a Void Transcending patron as well, the Ancient Bellringer seldom chose to extend any favors to the sect he nominally protected. In his eyes, they were simply reaping the consequences of their choices, and he did not see fit to interfere with their internal politics — even if the result was complete destruction of the sect. The Ancient Bellringer had seen many sects come and go, in his many, many years.

Fortunately for the Green Wildness Sect, Mura Dyn had no intention of relying on their absent patron in the first place. The Dolgo clan had been arrogant and complacent; the Tynba, greedy and violent; but Mura Dyn, and by extension the Mura clan itself, was calculating and resolute. If Mura Dyn decided that something was worth protecting, whether it was territory, resources, or influence, he would throw everything into the effort; if it was not, he would let it go — after extracting exactly as much collateral as he could. Continue reading

The Evil was Within the Sunday Update!

Happy Sunday, everyone! Hope you had a good week. Me? Well, a lot happened… and therefore, I posted the latest Anubai chapter yesterday instead of Friday. orz

But hey, got it done. And I managed to prep a couple videos in my spare time (i.e. when I wasn’t watching other people play Dark Souls) and I’ve completed the first two episodes of my playthrough of The Evil Within!

Click here to find the Evil! It’s Within! ๐Ÿ˜›

So I hope you enjoy that… I wanted to have more than two episodes ready for today, but Anubai ended up being late. The unfortunate bit is that I can only upload videos at my parent’s place, and each half-hour episode takes about 90 minutes to upload… I’ll try to update with two to three episodes each week, probably on Sundays, for as long as TEW can hold my interest. And as long as it doesn’t interfere with chapters of Anubai, which is priority #1.

Well, that’s all I got. Just got done swimming with my son and daughter, so I’m a bit tired… guess I’ll go take a nap. Have a good week, folks. ๐Ÿ˜‰

The Anubai Hero, Chapter 28

Chapter 28

The Red Reaver Sect.

The common citizen on the streets of North Pine City might have never heard the name before. But outside the sheltered, forgotten forests on this corner of the continent, the Red Reaver Sect was a name to strike fear in one and all.

For one thing, they were much larger than usual for a single sect — because in many ways, they were not a single sect. Although they presented to the world a united facade, the Red Reaver Sect was actually made up of several smaller branches, each of which controlling influence and territory equivalent to an independant sect. A small number of hereditary families controlled these branches, and they competed with each other for power, territory, and numbers.

Two things united the branches of the Red Reaver Sect: first, a common heritage made up of a shared culture and values, and a martial tradition that descended from a single founder known as the Red Sage; secondly, and much more importantly, that very Red Sage had declared that there would be no open feuding between the various branches, when he had created the Red Reaver Sect one thousand years in the past. Continue reading

Grable Gorble Murgh.

…fine. I give up. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

I’m not going to have the chapter done today. Apologies. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

In addition, the weather’s taken a turn for the hot and humid, and I’m really grumpy. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

Just couldn’t make myself work this week. Sleeping trouble, and for some reason I played through the story campaign for Bioshock Infinite again in about two days. Not sure why, or whether I enjoyed it. But, meh. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

(Incidentally, it’s an example of a downer ending that I think makes… well, notย sense, as such, but thematically it works, and I can agree with how everything turned out. I should play the DLC at some point, though.)

Hope this isn’t depression again. Depression sucks. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

In any event, I’m going to keep plugging away at the chapter. I’ll definitely be done by Sunday; but I’m afraid that I won’t get theย other thing I wanted to get done by Sunday, done by Sunday. Bleh. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

It’s humid. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

Also, about 750 words I wrote, thinking I’d get to them this chapter, will be pushed to the next, leaving me 750 words short of where I thought I was. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

Sigh… on the other hand, once I start writing next week’s chapter, I’ll be 750 words in already. Guess that’s something. ๐Ÿ™‚

Later, all. I’ll get the chapter up as soon as it’s done.

P.S. I’m very psyched to start playing the original Dark Souls again. ๐Ÿ˜€